Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
