There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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