I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This girl is more easily done than said...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
