There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
