he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
