well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
