he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
