Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
