Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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