Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
