You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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