WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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