There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
