last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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