I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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