we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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