We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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