But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
