Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
