Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ketchup is God's man juice
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
