yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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