your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
