wanna go halves on a baby?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Sober January is a disaster.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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