Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My life is pants optional.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
