I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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