So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
