So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
