and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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