Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
