There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
