It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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