Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
