Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
