before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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