I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
