We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
