well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
