4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
