heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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