brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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