Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
