i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
