I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
this boner is exhausting
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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