Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
