Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
