I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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