my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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