Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
