i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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