Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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