whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
