Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
