I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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