I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
